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Woman found rummaging through chicago landfill – searching for year end financial records

Cathy Simmons, a 42-year-old business owner, wife, and mother of two, was found digging through piles of garbage in the city’s landfill yesterday evening by Chicago Police. Simmons resides in an upscale suburb outside of the Chicago area. Police were bewildered to find the woman ranting and raving in a mound of trash after receiving a phone call. Simmons told police that she was looking for her laptop that had crashed, it couldn’t be fixed, and was discarded by a company intern. On the laptop was the only copy of her year-end financial report. She was beside herself. “This lady was one for the books” police officer Sean O’Malley stated. “I mean, I’ve heard of raccoons digging through your garbage cans, but I was stunned to find a middle-aged women in a business suit, covered in filth, with a banana peal stuck in her hair, sprawled out in a pile of trash. I’m not even exactly sure what a year-end financial report is. But it must have been important enough to cause this lady to roll around in the city’s garbage for a couple of hours. Well, at least I hope so.” While the two police officers physically removed her from the garbage heap, she cried out repeatedly “I should have used redBoomerang™! I lost my files and now I can’t get them back instantly or even at all!” The Chicago Landfill decided not to press charges for trespassing due to temporary insanity. Unfortunately Cathy Simmons is left with a scorching case of skin lice, an embarrassed family, and lost financial records. No information is available as to the reaction of Simmons’ business partners. Interviewed at her home later that evening, Simmons issued the following statement: “I have learned from my lesson. From now on I am going to use redBoomerang to back up all of my files, so I never lose them, no matter what happens, again.

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